Push ‘em out! Push ‘em out! Waaaay Out!

I used to hate my hips. I longed for sister’s slim profile. She had that paper thin side view I wanted so badly.

Me? I’m more round. I’m narrow but thick. I always felt like I needed to suck in my stomach a bit more.

Of course it could have been because my mom was behind me saying “Annie, suck in your stomach”, but who really knows? I’m not here to blame.

So there we were. My slim hipped sister and her “too many prom dates” dilemma and my round hipped self never missing an episode of Fantasy Island on a Saturday night. Tattoo and I? We were close.

Of course it may have been my winning personality that kept me dateless but I’d rather attribute it to my thick hips. Again, why bring blame into it?

Then one day my sister got pregnant. Then she went into labor. For a VERY LONG time. Hours turned into days and still that round headed little guy stayed put. Eventually all was well but man it took forever!!

Then I got pregnant and went into labor. And those round hips? Those are birthin’ hips baby!

It was like I had my very own vaginal pez dispenser!

Baby #1? Induced at 9:00am, done by 3:50pm.

My sister went into labor with #2 and moved back and forth between labor & delivery and the OR like a yoyo. He crowned, he went back in. He crowned, he went back in. Let’s do a c-section. Let’s deliver vaginally. Let’s do a c-section. Oh look here he comes again. 36 hours later, there he was.

I went in with #2 and though it was back labor, and felt like forever, it was actually under 10 hours.

My sister? She wasn’t impressed.

When she went in with #3 it was the same thing. Big ol baby boy. No less than 36 hours of active labor.

And yes, in case you’re wondering, she has 3 boys, I have 3 girls. We’re cool like that.

You already know D3′s suprise beginning. Her delivery was no less abrupt.

We went to the hospital at 4:30am, I labored in the hot tub then pushed twice and popped her out at 6:10am.

My pez dispenser practically shot her across the room. Ping Ping Ping – protect your eyes!

My parents were staying with us so I woke them when left for the hospital. When we called at 6:30 they thought we were giving them a quick update, instead we told them that our beautiful, 9 lb 6 oz. healthy D3 was here and already eating breakfast!

My mom’s first words after congratulations?

“Your sister is going to kill you!”

It’s all about the birthin’ hips people!

Well that and taking the advice of my Lamaze coach. She told me to push like that baby is the biggest bowel movement ever! It worked.

Oh, one more thing. Please don’t scream like those ladies giving birth on TV. Regardless of your hips, that’s just counter-productive and annoying.  

 
 
 

A Memoir of Pregnancy & Childbirth

This post was inspired by the very funny and refreshingly honest book Exploiting My Baby by Teresa Strasser. 

I received a copy of the book, free of charge, for review through the online book club From Left to Write.  Please click on the link to read more posts inspired by this book and others.

 Teresa Strasser made her baby a spleen and some eyebrows. Her baby got her a book deal.

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19 thoughts on “Push ‘em out! Push ‘em out! Waaaay Out!

  1. Pingback: Exploiting My Baby by Theresa Strasser – A From Left to Write Book Club |

  2. I think I was in denial of my birthing hips until it came time to do the deed. And now with baby #3 on the way, I can’t get my old maternity pants over these monsters. I’m thinking I may give you (and your record birthing time) a run for your money when this baby arrives since my last labor was 4 hours!

  3. “It was like I had my very own vaginal pez dispenser” is most likely the greatest one liner I have ever read! Outsatndingly funny!!!!!

  4. My favorite line of the day: vaginal pez dispenser. Funny funny!

    And I have birthin’ hips and they didn’t help me…two c-sections, but two healthy babies so what do I care, right?

  5. Loved the Vaginal Pez Dispenser! Whether or not I am fat or thin, I have always had hips. I pushed that sucker out in two hours, from start to finish. The doctor told me that was almost unheard of in a first baby. He told me I’m the kind of woman who could have her baby in the elevator on the way to L & D. But alas, DS is my one and only.

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