Dear Congress, You guys are dumbasses! Sincerely, Me

So it appears it takes an act of Congress to get me to write a post these days. No, this blog post was not tucked into a highway bill and it was not sponsored by any major corporation! No lobbying was done on my behalf.

It’s this whole pizza sauce as a vegetable thing – yes I realize it’s not a new rule. It’s been part of the nutritional guidelines all along but dammit, this would have been the time to change it. Revamp the guidelines into something that helps our kids, not hurts them.

No, I don’t expect the government to be in charge of feeding our  kids but I do expect some sort of accountability to them. Accountability to the health and well-being of the future generations.

I DO NOT expect them to sell out to ConAgra and Sysco and other makers of refined processed crap!

We are fortunate enough to be able to afford to put fresh fruits and veggies in our daughters’ lunches, but there are so many families who rely on free or reduced cost lunches to feed their children. What about them? What about their  nutritional needs? Do they not deserve high value foods just because they can’t afford to supply it themselves?

This is not about big government reaching into our families, or telling us what to eat, it is about COMMON SENSE!

The CDC estimates about 17 percent — or 12.5 million — of children between the ages of 2 and 19 are obese. But it’s not only about obesity. It’s about what we put in our children’s bodies.

For me, it’s also about trying to make sure that they don’t end up like me. No I’m not saying my cancer came from processed foods. My mom was a good cook who made almost every meal from scratch but the fact remains, I don’t know where it came from.

There is no certainty but I do know for sure that when I read the ingredients on packaged processed foods, most of them are chemically based. They are preservatives and additives and fake colors. They’re chemicals my chemist husband advises against ingesting.

It’s about improving the odds, decreasing the number of carcinogens we feed our children and trying like hell of protect them. Because of my drugs, anytime I eat something processed, my body says “NO, get this out of me!”  It recognizes that this is not anything I should be ingesting. I can tell which restaurants in town use fresh ingredients. It’s that simple. My children rejected school lunches years ago because every time they tried them, they felt sick afterwards. Again, it’s that simple. Our bodies know.

Yes, even the fresh stuff can have bad things in them – wash your apples people – but if we’re going to play the odds, I’d rather do it with an apple than tomato paste. There has to be a connection. There are so more people, from my perspective, who have cancer than they did when I was young. So many more parents leaving their kids or watching them go through treatment.

THERE IS A CONNECTION! It needs to be recognized. I’m not saying if you feed your children a frozen pizza from time to time you’re giving them cancer. Please don’t think I am. I do it too. Those $5 hot and ready pizzas are so appealing on busy days. But it’s about balance. It’s about not encouraging the substitution of chemicals for real food as congress had done.

It’s about not sacrificing the health of our children for special interests!

At some point, if they’re going to encourage feeding our children crap, screw the environment and the air they breathe, and only look out for their pocket books, politicians needs to be held accountable. Not because government should tell us what to do but because they are the ones with the power to change the guidelines. They are the ones we elect to make decisions on our behalf. OUR behalf, not the lobbyists.

Today I’m saying you screwed up! The welfare of our children was in front of you and you chose to ignore it, to give into millions of lobbying dollars. Most of you leave office as millionaires because you give in more often than not.

Congress, you guys suck!!

 

 

That’s my girl!

On the ride home from volleyball yesterday I was giving D1 an update on her friends’ leukemia. She was quiet then this conversation followed:

Mom, he’s a good guy!

I know he is honey.

He’s just sort of there, you know? In a good way though. He’s not super popular, he’s not a dork or a jerk. He’s quiet and kind of in the background. Does that make sense? Because I really mean it in a nice way.

Sure, I know what you mean. He’s not as likely to be noticed but if you do, you can appreciate what  good person he is.

Yeah exactly. So um, about that.

Yes?

There were some jerk guys in the hall today talking trash about him.

Really?

Yeah, they were saying things like he deserved to get leukemia. It was horrible and they were being so mean. There was other stuff too. Mom, they were making fun of him for getting cancer.

Not cool! What else were they saying?

Just a lot of other mean stuff I don’t want to repeat.

I’m sorry honey, that’s really awful.

It really was. So yeah, you might get a call from school.

Me? Why?

I didn’t want them to get away with talking like that. They don’t know him mom. He’s a good guy!

So why am I getting a call?

Because I screamed at them. They don’t have a clue mom! They’re a bunch of jerks and they were saying really awful stuff. I couldn’t let them get away with it! So I yelled. Kind of A LOT!

And?

Then a teacher came out and she didn’t want to hear my side. Then another one came out and listened to what I had to say. Then he started yelling at the other guys and told the 1st teacher to go back to her room.

I dare them to call me. What you did was right even if maybe you didn’t go about it exactly the right way. I’d have done the same thing. If they want to call me and talk about you sticking up for somebody being made fun of for having cancer, let them. Thanks for telling me. I’ll be ready for them!

Thanks mom!

Anytime!

I love that girl!

It’s Not Nice to Cough on Strangers

Dear lady on the row below me at D1′s volleyball game (and your lovely family surrounding me),

Hello, nice to see you. That’s a lovely Valentine’s shirt you’re wearing. I love the way the sunlight bounces off your nipples.

I notice you have 2 small children with you. It’s good you brought their father and grandparents along to help you this afternoon. You obviously have your hands full! Boy do I remember those days! Whew, glad they’re over!

You know, I hate to bring this up but I can see your little boy is really flushed and feverish. May I hand you a tissue out of my purse? Those things sure do come in handy. Oh look, he likes me. Isn’t that cute how he wiped his boogers on my shoulder.

Wow, that is one hell of a cough! I think I saw his little lungs pop right out of his chest. He looks exhausted and those poor runny little eyes. You know where would be a great place for him? Home in bed.

That’s a darling Valentine he’s showing me from preschool today. Oops, so close….I almost got my mouth closed before he coughed in it.

I don’t want to offend you or anything but do you think you could maybe move him over just a tad. I realize I don’t have the word immunosuppressed tattooed on my forehead. It’s not like I need to hide or avoid public or anything but the whole coughing in my face thing might be a little much.

If it wasn’t so crowded I’d love to move but you see, I have nowhere to go so maybe one of the adults with you could hold him?

He is adorable and I understand you’re tired but telling him to cover his mouth when he coughs doesn’t do much good if he’s hanging onto my leg or shoulder with both hands. He’s oh so tired. Poor baby!

You see how everyone around us is staring with genuine looks of concern when he coughs? We’re all parents, we understand what you’re going through. We also understand that maybe one of the many adults in your group could be home with him.

Oh look, the game is over. It looks like we play you again tomorrow. Maybe I’ll come a bit late and make sure I’m at the other end of the bleachers. I’ll be the feverish one with the cough. Oh wait, if I am I’ll be at home. Could you text me and let me know the score?

Thanks in advance,

Annie

It Never Really Stays in Vegas

I’ve thought about the best way to write this post and for some reason it’s not coming together in my head as well as it could so let’s make this sort of a multiple choice type etiquette question thingy – for lack of a better term.

The situation: (Not the one on Jersey Shore – though there were some similarities)

You are an undergrad presenting a poster at a state conference. You are surrounded by other undergrads, grad students, senior faculty and researchers, as well as a few industry professionals. All of whom would be amazing sources for networking since that’s really the idea of the weekend. It’s a tough field for those already looking for a job. Also, because you’re presenting a poster, your room is paid for by the state chapter of this particular professional organization.

Given that, you:

A) Stay by your poster as requested to discuss your research, impress your future references and build connections. You might get a glass of wine or beer since it IS a social after all but you keep it in moderation. At least until after the poster session. Nobody can expect you to be a saint when they’re all drinking as well. Dinner is in a couple of hours and by then the pressure will be off.

B) Begin drinking immediately and do not stop. Ever. Continue until you’re bordering on “knee walkin’ drunk” by 3:00pm. Yell to others across the room and ask where they’re from. When they tell you they’re from a small technical school nearby, yell “Where???” as loudly as you can. When they tell you it’s about 15 minutes east of where you currently are, laugh loudly, give them a look like they’re losers and turn to talk to someone more interesting. If you come across a handsome foreign exchange student, grab him by the arm, fawn over him and drag him over to stand by your poster with you. Do not let him leave no matter how bad it looks like he wants to get away. Try to spill as much wine as possible during this time.

*Once the poster session is over and it’s time for dinner, you are free of your responsibilities but are still in a room of only 30-40 people. Again you are still among people who future employers will call for references.

You then:

A) Enjoy a nice dinner and get to know the faculty at your table on a more personal level. Your spouse is with you so this would also be a good time for you both to build those connections. You also have 2 children who are classmates and semi- friends of children of some of the faculty. They know several of the same people and teachers that you know. There will be a talk following dinner by a regional person in a fantastic research facility – doing similar research as the poster you presented earlier. Pay attention and get to know this guy!! There is never a better time to make a good impression. It’s a great evening. Whew, you made it! You can move to the bar and hot springs and cut loose.

B) Continue to drink as much as possible. Make comments to the person next to you about breastfeeding. Mention that you still enjoy breastfeeding your husband whenever possible so that the entire table can hear. Pound the table and laugh because boy are you funny!! If there is a lull in the conversation while people are eating, now would be a good time to start groping your spouse – he’s easy to entice since he’s kept up with you drink for drink. Put your hand in his lap and work it while he puts his hand in your shirt and works on getting those buttons undone. Get him to yell “Release the boobies!!” People will love that! Continue to drink all through the talk. Try to trip over yourself a few times while getting another. When the night is over and you’re leaving, make one more lasting impression – drop a beer by the only exit making sure it explodes all over everything and creates a big scene. Get ushered quietly from the room but plan on staying in the hot springs and drinking until early morning. Make sure they won’t soon forget you!

This would be a good time to mention I am NOT the undergrad presenting the poster. 

Science guy is taking the “what happens at the meetings stays at the meeting” approach when other faculty members tell him they’ve heard stories and ask him about the weekend. I prefer to share it with you!

People Annoy Me

I had a flu shot yesterday – well technically the flu/H1N1 vaccine combo – and I think it made me cranky. Can they do that?

Or could it be from spending two days listening to D2 cough. Continually. Over and over and over and over and over, day and freaking night until it started to feel like a punch to the back of my head. Every. Single. Time.  

No, I’m a loving mother who would never get annoyed at her children for being sick, so it must have been the shot.

Anyway, I had to go help sort chocolates after school yesterday. It was for D1′s band fundraiser. Yet another fundraiser, which really is a post all it’s own. 

As I’m walking into the band building I was stopped by a mom whose daughter plays the same instrument as D2. She’s horribly competitive and wants to make sure we all know how wonderful her daughter is at this particular instrument. (I’d like to add here, that MY daughter is 1st chair – just a little aside that is completely irrelevant to the story).

It went something like this:

“Excuse me Annie, what school does the All City Wind Ensemble practice at?”

“C.S.P ”

“That’s too far for me. I had to take H. to All State Band at B.S High School last year and that’s over there too.”

“It’s really only about a mile from here.”

“No, that’s too far. So practice is tonight at 6:30 or 7:00-something right?”

“No, it’s 6:15 and they start right on time.

“And is tonight the first one or is it next week?”

“It started last week and there was a mandatory parent meeting afterwards to pay fees and go over rules and the concert schedule.”

“Oh, well they really want G. to do it but I think her piano is more important. This is so inconvenient for me and doesn’t fit in my schedule at all but they really want her.”

“Uh huh”

“It just isn’t a good night for us but they really want her to play? I’m going to have to think this over because, did I mention they really want her to be a part of the ensemble? No, I don’t think this works for me at all. I don’t know why we have to have one more thing to do. My children are all so overbooked. We absolutely do not have room for even one more thing. This is really complicating things for me. I just don’t need this.”

“Ok, well good luck.”

Fast forward to my conversation with D1 later.

“So I talked to G’s mom afterschool about All City and she told me that they’re really begging G. to be part of wind ensemble.”

“No, not at all. They’re fine with it. They replaced her last week. The other girl already started and she’s great.”

“I thought we knew the practice night, time and place before auditions. Didn’t she know she wouldn’t be able to make it when she tried out?”

“Oh yeah, she knew she had piano on Tuesdays at the same time.”

“So she tried out anyway and took the spot the other kids wanted?”

“Yup, pretty much!”

“Why did she waste their time?”

“She didn’t want to. Her mom made her.”

* Tomorrow I’ll tell you about the mom who couldn’t count chocolates or follow directions. Hopefully it’ll be more interesting than this piece of crap I just wrote. Or maybe we’ll go with the story of the drunk lady at the weekend conference and her drunk husband who tried to get her to “release the boobies” at the dinner table. Preference? I think I’m leaning towards the boobies myself.