The Word of the Day: Scanxiety

Scanxiety (noun)the tension which builds, particularly among those who have or have had cancer, as they move towards their regular check up scan – hyper-scanxiety being the period as they await results! (cool – I actually found this definition online )

Tomorrow is my CT scan to see if  Nexavar is still working after 6 months. I’ve got everything crossed that it is working and I can put off any more drug changes or surgeries for a bit. I’ll find out the results on Tuesday.

It occurred to me yesterday that this is somewhere around my 18th scan since February ’06. Nine of those have been since April ’09. I think it’s safe to say I no longer need to buy glow sticks for my daughters. I should be radioactive enough to light up any room. I suck at hide and seek in the dark!

I’ve gotten to the point where the techs just look at me and say “you know the drill”. I hop up on the thing, life my knees for the pillow, put out my left arm for the IV and my right for my blood pressure. I don’t have to change into those cold little gowns because I know not to wear metal of any kind. I drink my oral contrast like a good girl and know that when the IV contrast makes my nether regions hot, I haven’t really peed my pants – it just feels like I have. Can’t help but wonder just a little though.

I have the “breathe….hold your breath” thing down so well I don’t even look at the little smiley guy on the front of the scanner. I do however stare into the spot that says “laser –  do not stare at beam” every single time. It’s a lot like when you tell your friend that so-and-so is right behind them but not to look, and they immediately turn around. We never learn.

What’s really bad is I know which tech is scheduled on Wednesdays and would prefer the other one. D is my favorite. He usually gives me some idea if anything new has popped up. Of course he follows that with “But you know I’m not the radiologist right? He’ll read it and Dr. N will let you know”. Yeah, I know all that but I still like him best because he gives me the extra warm blankets.

B (not my favorite) won’t tell me much but I can usually tell if it’s bad because she avoids me. After my scan in February she avoided me and busied herself with folding my not quite as warm blankets. I asked her if the mass behind my stomach had grown and she said “Oh, I don’t know. I didn’t look at the images yet”. LIAR! It tripled.

Even after all this time, I still get really nervous so I try to occupy my mind with stupid shit. Last time I must have been an even bigger idiot than usual because I remember looking down at my body as I was sliding in and out of the little donut shaped scanner and thinking: “Hmm….this must be what it’s like to be a penis.” My mind, it is officially lost. Please let me know if you find it.

Anybody want to provide ways to distract me that do NOT involved penises? Or would that be penisi?

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6 thoughts on “The Word of the Day: Scanxiety

  1. I like that image and think I could pull it up time and again. If it still works, why would you switch?

    Hope all goes well. My thoughts are with you. DO NOT LOOK AT THE LASER. (Did that help reinforce positive behavior?)

    • Thanks! I’ll think of you when I look at the laser. No really, I will. You also make an excellent point. Hard to go wrong with the tried and true “self-as-penis” image. I’ll go with it 🙂

  2. I hope it goes well and that the results are fantastic! I’m sending lots of good vibes your way. I hope they’re covered by your insurance so I don’t have to pay postage.

  3. I suggest using your time to think of multi-purpose blog comments you can leave on blogs after you have read so many you are struck dumb.

    Did that sound jaded?

    Welcome to blogging!

    I hope your scan is clear, and can’t help but say you really light up a room!

    😉

  4. Pingback: Why Can’t They All Be Slackers? « Lost in the Chaos

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