Doughnut Porn

Warning – I suspect this post could take a turn for the worse at any time so don’t be surprised.

I don’t think I mentioned that my daughters love to watch Man V. Food and saw a place called Voodoo Doughnut on the Portland, Oregon episode. They asked me to go there and get them some goodies while I was at the marathon. I thought I might also buy them t-shirts, until I got there and saw this logo on the shirts:

Now you might think that’s just a harmless little tagline but I should mention that the doughnuts available include the “Butterfingering” – a frosted cake doughnut topped with crushed butterfingers – and the “Cock-N-Balls” which is in fact a very LARGE chocolate frosted penis. With equally large balls and Bavarian cream filling. 

Since I’m pretty sure I don’t want my girls advertising their “magic holes”, I skipped the shirts. My charming gay friend who was with me agreed and since he’s much more in tune to the nuances of that particular Portland neighborhood I took his advice.

I was going to take a picture of the Cock-N-Balls but my friend was all “Hey look, it has a ureter”. I tried to explain that’s where they shoot in the cream filling but that just made things worse and I got distracted.

However , they also have cute little voodoo dolls – complete with raspberry (blood) filling and a little pretzel stick pin – so I went with a box of those. I also sprang for a couple of fruit loop covered ones and one called an Orangatang which was frosted and topped with tang and sprinkles.

The 2nd fruit loop didn't make it long enough for photos

I was excited that they came in a cool pink box and made sure I asked for one to bring home. It wasn’t until I was in the shower yesterday (I do my best thinking there) that I started to question the other tagline on the box. I’m a little slow that way. See for yourself:

Something tells me they aren’t talking about the cardboard kind of box. Science Guy thought I had my mind in the gutter until I told him about the doughnut menu. Now he’s turned it into a pickup line which honestly, I don’t think is going to work in his favor. I mean really, can anyone expect me not to lose it if he’s commenting on the good things in my pink box? Oh don’t look at me like that. I told you this post would eventually go to hell in a handbasket.

Advertisements

20 thoughts on “Doughnut Porn

    • They really were! I forgot to mention I also bought each girl the texas challenge doughnut – the equivelent of 6 glazed doughnuts in 1. They took them in their lunches. Made me mom of the year but I’m expecting a call from their teachers any moment. It’s a once in a lifetime thing. Why not right?

    • We went to that one AND the one on 3rd. We had to find the texas challenge ones for my girls because i’m such a quality parent i told them they have them in their lunches. Sugar comas be damned!

      Oh, and the meth addicts are still where you left them.

  1. Bahahhahahaha! That’s awesome.

    I really want one of those shirts, just so people do a double take when they see me on the street 😛

  2. seriously am going to look into getting some shipped to me. i’m a sucker for cupcakes, but donuts are a close-freakin-second! this place is right up my alley. butterfingering. HA!

    it’s not my pink box, though. I’ve had kids. Ahem.

  3. I’m a little late to the party, but I had to comment anyhow. This is hilarious! Subtle or not, it’s a pretty clever use of innuendo, eh?

    You know, usually I just feel guilty when I let myself eat donuts. These would make me feel guilty *and* a little bit dirty, I’m afraid!

    My kids would totally love them — they’d be over the moon for the Froot Loops and Tang ones. I’ll have to check out their website. Thanks for the tip!
    ~Christy

  4. Hey! I live near VooDoo Doughnuts! I take my daughters there all the time. They always want the Cock and Balls because it the largest doughnut on the menu, and I always say no. Snort!

    Love that place.

    I have posted about it before.

    I won’t link that here because I always find it really annoying when people do that. But email me, babe. I have SUCH a funny story to share with you. So worth it. Email me.

    Really.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s