Today is school picture day for D1 so of course she wore a nice shirt then immediately pulled a sweatshirt over her head and left her hairbrush home which means she’ll either have horrendous hair in her picture or she’ll borrow somebody’s brush and get head lice. Not really a win-win either way.
The other 2 girls brought their pictures home already. One is cute, the other has what I suspect is a digitally enhanced zit on her chin and dark circles under her eyes. She didn’t look like that when she left the house.
I think Lifetouch is screwing with us. Last year the fall pics were just ok, nothing to write home about. They were just a little off. In odd ways. D2 was standing with her hands under belly and looked several months pregnant. She wasn’t. D1 looked like she only had one shoulder and D3’s upper lip was a little weird.
Then magically we get this new notice in the spring that in order to provide free of charge class pictures to everyone, they’re going to take spring individual portraits as well. Way to play on the guilt people!
They did give us the chance to opt out of individual pictures but inconveniently, I was out-of-state getting an orange sized tumor removed from behind my stomach when the form was due. I’m unlucky that way.
A month later we get the packets back. And they’re gorgeous! Beautiful spring backgrounds, no zits in sight, no pregnancy bumps, and it’s like they’ve gone through all the pictures and chosen the best one. Oh, and for the low low price of $60 per child you can have the entire packet. Including the cute little key chains and post cards. Or you can return them and have your darling children put through a shredder. Or sold to pedophiles as wallpaper.
You know how I mentioned the digitally enhanced zit? I suspect it’s so that next year I’ll choose to airbrush my kids. They honestly have a “retouching” option for a few extra dollars that will whiten teeth, remove blemishes and scars, even skin tone and from the looks of things, smooth away any fly-away hairs. Really??? We’re now a society that airbrushes kindergarteners? Really??
I’m ready to say fuck it all and take pictures of them myself. Lord knows we already have hundreds on the camera at this very moment. I’m thinking that for a couple of bucks I can send them to Costco and get an 8×10 I actually like – and it’s not going to cost me $30 per child just to put half of them in the drawer with all the previous years.
Who’s with me?