The Scam That is School Pictures

Today is school picture day for D1  so of course she wore a nice shirt then immediately pulled a sweatshirt over her head and left her hairbrush home which means she’ll either have horrendous hair in her picture or she’ll borrow somebody’s brush and get head lice. Not really a win-win either way.

The other 2 girls brought their pictures home already. One is cute, the other has what I suspect is a digitally enhanced zit on her chin and dark circles under her eyes. She didn’t look like that when she left the house.

I think Lifetouch is screwing with us. Last year the fall pics were just ok, nothing to write home about. They were just a little off. In odd ways. D2 was standing with her hands under belly and looked several months pregnant. She wasn’t. D1 looked like she only had one shoulder and D3’s upper lip was a little weird.

Then magically we get this new notice in the spring that in order to provide free of charge class pictures to everyone, they’re going to take spring individual portraits as well. Way to play on the guilt people!

They did give us the chance to opt out of individual pictures but inconveniently, I was out-of-state getting an orange sized tumor removed from behind my stomach when the form was due. I’m unlucky that way.

A month later we get the packets back. And they’re gorgeous! Beautiful spring backgrounds, no zits in sight, no pregnancy bumps, and it’s like they’ve gone through all the pictures and chosen the best one. Oh, and for the low low price of $60 per child you can have the entire packet. Including the cute little key chains and post cards. Or you can return them and have your darling children put through a shredder. Or sold to pedophiles as wallpaper.

You know how I mentioned the digitally enhanced zit? I suspect it’s so that next year I’ll choose to airbrush my kids. They honestly have a “retouching” option for a few extra dollars that will whiten teeth, remove blemishes and scars, even skin tone and from the looks of things, smooth away any fly-away hairs. Really??? We’re now a society that airbrushes kindergarteners? Really??

I’m ready to say fuck it all and take pictures of them myself. Lord knows we already have hundreds on the camera at this very  moment. I’m thinking that for a couple of bucks I can send them to Costco and get an 8×10 I actually like – and it’s not going to cost me $30 per child just to put half of them in the drawer with all the previous years. 

Who’s with me?


7 thoughts on “The Scam That is School Pictures

  1. YES! I hate them with a passion. Though I am sitting her wondering if my husband remember that today was picture day, and vetted her wardrobe before she left the house. Not that I’m buying anything but the class picture, and that’s only out of guilt.

  2. I’m on the bandwagon! With 4 kids …What an over priced racket! I remember when my identicle twin boys were in kindergarten – they sent home 2 packages, but of the same dude! I explained the error – and they told me, le MOI, that I was mistaken. Like they knew better than the Mom – ya right! I used to have my own sewing business – making cute cute cute kids clothes, and I mostly serviced multiples – you know…so that Mom’s could dress the kids up kinda matching like ‘some Mom’s of twins’ like tado, but not exactly the same. It was ‘da bomb’, and I KNOW that one of my dudes had a dark color, and the other a lighter color. That was our signature way of telling them apart. Well, and that one of them dive bombed from the upstairs ….to the couch downstairs – and lost his front teeth 2 yrs earlier. I ended up so annoyed fighting with the know it all chicklette – we sent back all the kids packages for years – or forever as far as I remember. They’ve had this going on since I was a kid in school (long time) – and I know at that time some families didn’t have camera’s – or couldn’t afford the ‘bulbs’ and film – so school pictures were the way to go. Nowadays – we ALL have camera’s and more pics of my kids than I know what to do with. If I want a yearly picture – I can go onto their Facebook – and swipe one ;)) To end this epistle – I agree – don’t take pics of my kids, I can do it myself ….buhbye Lifetouch

    • That’s unreal! They suck! I just want to know why they take such crappy (prepaid) pics in the fall but somehow manage to take gorgeous ones in the spring??

  3. I hate the school pictures with a passion! However, I get the cheapest package out of guilt. As a teacher they give me a free packet. Mom doesn’t even want them. SCAM!

    • Oh I know – my mother-in-law always has a plethora of negative things to say about them but yet I continue to be guilted into them as well. I need some sort of treatment program to break away. 😉

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