Alert the Media

Flag of the Red Cross

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I think I’ve uncovered a huge medical scam and I wanted you all to be the first to hear about it. Screw the networks!

I suspect this little exposé will earn me a Nobel Prize or Pulitzer or Razzy or whatever the hell it is they give people who are especially brilliant and forthcoming with the truth.

Ok, here it is. Are you sitting down? Because this is huge!

I think the blood banks are cutting the blood with some sort of thinner –  like cranberry juice or something else red and nicely chilled to make it go further.

Either that, or they’re working with North Face to give thin Floridian blood to people in the northern states to make them cold so they’ll buy more down. I saw a bald goose the other day. It could happen!

Ever since my 1st surgery in 2006 I’ve been cold. They gave me either 5 or 92 units of blood. I can’t really remember. But that’s not the point. The point is, I went into surgery a toasty northerner and came out a thin blooded south of the border kind of gal. I’ve been wearing a coat and hat ever since. Really. Even in the summer. I can’t tell you how many mittens I’ve gone through. Do I really need more proof than that? I think NOT!

At first I suspected “natual blood thinning foods that I may have ingested in excess”. Because I’m really smart that way and that’s totally how I talk to myself in my  mind. But then I googled it and this is the list of foods I uncovered:

Tree Ear
Jicama
Garlic
Onions
Olive Oil

I do like Italian foods and so naturally the garlic and olive oil might come into play but surely I’ve covered them with enough cheese to more than cover the thinning properties – in more ways than one. But never, never, never have I eaten a tree ear and it’s been years since I sat down to a good hearty jicama.

So really, I think the blood bank conspiracy is the obvious other choice. I’m going to send a picture of my bundled goose-bumpy self to the Red Cross and see what they have to say for themselves! It’ll be just like Watergate but with blood.

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