Still Lost

I’ve realized after something like 86 posts, I may have run out of things to say. There is nothing more of interest in my head and I have no new stories. I’m having to rethink why I’m writing and who I’m writing for.

I started out thinking this was a good place for therapy, to just get shit out of my head and yes, it has been. I also thought it might be a bit of a humor blog. Other than maybe a couple of posts, it hasn’t been. As far as “types” of blogs, I’m not sure where I’d fall.

Am I a mom blog, a cancer blog, a mom with cancer blog?

Am I identified again by my disease because it’s frequently on my mind, even though I originally claimed that’s not who I wanted to be?

Or do I need to put it less in the background and truly embrace my illness and put a face on it? Is that my only unique perspective?

I also can’t help but wonder why I’m not nearly as funny in print as I am in my mind? So often I start to write something and find it’s really turning into a “you had to be there” kind of thing. When I re-read it, I realize many of you would probably be glad you weren’t. Like D1 questioning SG’s sexual prowess this weekend. It made me pee myself. When I write it, it’s just not Depends worthy.

The other question nagging me is – Why I am I so freaking obsessed with my blog stats if I’m “writing for me”?  Why is it that every time I get a good day in the bar graph, it’s bordered by 2 really low days so that it looks like even my stats page is giving the finger?

I don’t know what I’m looking for or where I think this blog is going. Somehow I guess I thought it would work itself out.

I look at the amazing bloggers out there and wonder how you do it? How do you consistently come up with such perfectly written topics?

I used to think writing was something I was moderately good at. It is something I enjoy but I’m wondering if maybe it turns out the subject matter just isn’t as interesting as I’d hoped. Is it more than my overuse of the word just?

I guess I’ll continue to wing it until I get over this identity crisis. In the meantime, I suppose there will be growing pains.

Thanks to all of you who have stuck around so far. I will figure this out damnit!

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8 thoughts on “Still Lost

  1. Wanna know the truth? Most bloggers don’t know why they are blogging. Many, including myself, don’t really understand their own blog. But then, those people (again me) don’t really care. They just like to write and like the feedback their writing receives, and after a long struggle of “why am I doing this?” that is enough of a reason.

    Don’t stop. I’d miss you.

    • Oh good – i thought it was just me 🙂 You all make it seem to easy!
      I’d never stop…i’m too addicted to those good stats days.

      So the answer to why? is simply….because?

  2. I agree with Becky completely.

    If it’s any consolation, there are a lot of things about you that I admire and identify with. I would be sad if you stopped blogging. And, I probably screw up your analytics because I don’t click right away to your blog. So if you have some low-result days, you can blame it on me. I’m too busy for my own good that I don’t click as soon as I should.

    Also, in my office, we ignore those low-result days but really highlight those awesome ones and for extended amounts of time. If they can do it, I say you could too!

    • Thanks Jasmine – I have no intention of stopping but I can’t promise to be interesting 😉
      You’re right. I’ll ignore the low days. Highlight the awesome…I like that.

  3. I love your blog and don’t care how you choose to identify yourself. I admire all you bloggers out there — I was going to start a blog in March 2010 when (due to the economy) The Mister took a job in Reno, Nevada. The Daughter (now a Senior in high school) and I chose to stay in the Northern Chicago suburbs until she graduates in June. I was going to blog about being a “single mom” (in theory, at least) but never got around to it – mainly because I’m lazy and a complete computer idiot. SOOO, to the bloggers out there who entertain me, Thank you!! And Annie, “Mix it up Monday” was the best suggestion.

  4. I think the thing with blogging is not just creating a lable for yourself or writing fantastic peices. A lot of people fixate on that but I’v found that being comfortable in the space you’ve created is more important than anything else. I go through blogs like a man-cold goes through tissues cause i can’t find the write shape, so I’d say, make your lable fit your shape, not the other way around.

    I love your blog, and the more you blog the more your identity grows around it and thats how some of the best blogs are born. so just be yourself and stop worrying cos I personally think thats why your blog is so great 🙂

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