Saturday as I sat on the banks of the river and watched my two youngest fish with my dad, a million posts ran through my head. I remembered the days on the same banks with my dad and grandfather and I was overwhelmed at the site of them following in my footsteps.
As I fished with my grandfather’s pole – the one left to me when he died – I knew there were four generations on the river instead of three. He was somewhere with us in spirit. Dad and I both knew it.
He was there as I gazed into the small waves flowing over the rocks and as my girls filled their pockets with pretty river rocks and marveled at the trees fallen and stripped of their bark by beavers.
He was in the sounds of the hawk and the rippling currents. Everywhere I looked he was there.
As I watched the osprey circle the river in search of the same fish which were eluding us, I created more posts about the beauty around me. Then the wind came and distracted me and the words faded as quickly as they came.
The posts spilled out of my mind and floated away in the spring run off. Disappearing downstream with the melting snow instead of onto my laptop for you to read. So today I have nothing left for you.
For me, I have the message that I need to take more time like Saturday. That I need to appreciate this gorgeous place where I grew up and where we chose to raise our children. I need to give them more days fishing and hiking among wildflowers.
I need to give them the memories so that when they’re on the river they will know that if I’m not standing next to them, I am still there.
I will be the circling osprey and the wind in the cottonwood trees. That tiny piece of petrified wood on the edge of the water that right now seems like such a treasure. The elusive frog that refuses to be caught.
I will speak to them through babbling brooks and gusts of wind.
I will be the voice in the back of their minds saying, “this is good, this is what gives me strength to face the rest”.
Lost in the Chaos 
You are giving them such a beautiful gift- your words, your thoughts and your love all tied up in an unforgettable and lifelong memory.
Thank you – I hope so!
Lovely post, and lovely sentiment.
I too write posts in my head all the time, and they dribble down the stream and down the street, and never make it to “paper”.
What I really want to know though, is what kind of rod did your grandfather give you? What were you fishing for? Fly rod or spinning rod? My father and grandfather and uncles taught me to fish…
You may feel like you ‘lost’ many of your posts that afternoon, but perhaps what you found in their place was one that was even more beautiful than all the rest.
You say you have nothing left for us, your readers…but your words were quite a gift. Thanks for sharing.
I have to say that the words you have left for us are pretty amazing, powerful stuff. Sometimes the words in our heads never make it to paper but leave us with a deeper understanding of what’s important, and that shines through in this post – Hugs my friend.
Beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.
I, too, often feel those wonderful posts run thru me, and know of the feelings that are bottled inside, waiting to be shared. I felt every bit of what you were feeling… nothing was lost. You are a legacy on to your children just by being you..your beauty will always shine thru just as the beauty of your surroundings remind you of what legacies were left to you. I loved your post.
Great post.
It makes me want to go to a river.