A silver lining made of butter and sugar

So another scan is over. I’ll get the results Friday morning. I survived the no breakfast no coffee thing but it was touch and go there for a bit.

After 1 blown vein and another poked nerve (my veins are starting to revolt) I was released from captivity and sent on my merry way. If only they’d have had Scooby Doo band-aids.

I was starving when I left and as I pulled out of the parking lot, I realized this cancer thing definitely has it’s upside. Today it was in the form of flakey buttery pastry. Ok, there may been several but I deserved them damnit!

I can’t often eat very much without feeling crappy (no pun intended) so it’s translated into not having to worry too much about caloric intake. That is not something I’ve been able to NOT worry about much in my life. So yeah, at least I’m getting a little something positive hidden among the BS.

Today I’m giving myself the day to relax, read a book and eat too much. It was a quiet rainy morning. There were no Mr. Hardys in the waiting room. Nobody to chat with or try to avoid, so I sat and read and enjoyed the peace.

The school year is ending this week so my quiet time is about up and today, as I drank my contrast and waited,  I reflected on how lucky I am to still be here as D1 enters high school, D2 wraps up elementary school and D3 hits the big 1-0.

I’m scanned so frequently that nothing should get by us. I’ll have the drug changes and the surgeries as soon as needed. No change in my body goes unnoticed which already puts me ahead of the curve.

It’s been 15 months since my last surgery and 2 years since I developed resistance to Gleevec (the 1st line drug). That’s longer than the prognosis used to be for people with GIST. They are making great strides towards more options for people like me. Not just with GIST but with all types of cancer. Drugs that can help turn terminal diseases into chronic illnesses.

And for that I am thankful. Not just today but even on those bad days when I struggle the most, a part of me recognizes how lucky I am to be here to be pissed off or sad or just plain exhausted.

Nobody knows how long Nexavar will work for me but I appreciate the extra year it’s given me so far. I don’t know what Friday will bring but today it’s ok. Today I wear my heart on my sleeve. The one covering the band-aids.

ps – I’m also wearing the jewelry SG gave me on my 5yr cancerversary because i never scan without wearing something given to me by someone who loves me. When they’re searching your body for cancer, it’s best not to go in unprotected 🙂

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9 thoughts on “A silver lining made of butter and sugar

  1. Thank you for putting life in perspective for me this morning. Your attitude of gratitude should be an important reminder for us all as we encounter challneges big or small. If today is ok, then be thankful and don’t waste energy worrying about tomorrow. Best of luck with your test results. I hope Friday will be more than ok too.

  2. You share so many amusing, endearing things, too. We are lucky as well. I hope that Friday brings you a big smile.

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