*warning – cancer rant ahead. I WILL be swearing!*
January 2006 – D1 (at age 9) lost a classmate to brain cancer. It started as leukemia when he was 18 months old. He was diagnosed with testicular cancer at age 6. Brain cancer at 9.
February 2006 – My insides blew up and tried to kill me. I was diagnosed with GIST
December 2006 – D1’s friend lost her mother to brain cancer
April 2009 – My pills stopped working. Had to tell the girls it was back.
Memorial Day 2009 – D1 went camping with a friend and her family. The mom had “allergy headaches”
June 12, 2009 – The mom died from a brain tumor
Last month – The father of D1’s bff since kindergarten went to the hospital. Diagnosed with multiple myeloma – still in the hospital on dialysis. Started chemo last night. He didn’t go to the dr. because they have no health insurance. It may be too late.
Monday – SG’s mom had breast cancer surgery. She starts radiation as soon as she recovers. Thankfully they found it early!!
Last night – Picked D1 up late from an out-of-town volleyball and had to tell her this:
Honey I’m sorry, but that sweet 14 yr old boy you’ve been friends with since 1st grade – the brother of D2’s friend – has leukemia.
What. The. Hell?!?
I am so tired of this. I am exhausted by the number of times I’ve watched D1 cry because of this damn disease! SHE’S 14! It’s too much.
I’m afraid to scan next week because I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t do it to them anymore. My heart is broken!
This fucking cancer has taken their smiles again. It’s broken their hearts too many times to count. The kids don’t understand. Hell, I don’t understand.
WHY? What has gone wrong in our world that so many people are facing the loss of their parents and children?
How do I explain and try to make sense of something to completely senseless? How do reassure my oldest daughter that it will be ok when I’m not convinced myself?
Why her? Why so much loss for her at such a young age?
Why am I having to promise her I’ll do my best not to be parent #3, or #4?
Why is that something we even keep track of?