Well now that I have that out of my system….

If you haven’t had a chance to read yesterday’s post, it went something like this:

Blah blah blah whine whine cancer blah blah certain death whine whine sedatives.

I don’t recommend scrolling down unless you don’t have any children who can provide your daily whining quota. Then by all means, enjoy!

You’ll be happy to know I’ve bounced back already. Funny how life does that to you. After I hit publish, I looked over and noticed the head on our chickadee cookie jar was on backwards – yes we have a cookie jar shaped like a bird, don’t judge me. Anyway, the head was on backwards. I’m suspecting that was done by a much younger family member so that when I fixed it I’d notice it was empty.

Whatever the reason, it made me laugh. And then I made chocolate chip cookies. You know, the 2 things that really make life worth living.

When my kids came home and came tumbling through the door laughing, I thought fuck this shit! I haven’t fought this stupid thing for 6 years to go crawl in a corner and pout just because someone I’ve never met can no longer take Nexavar or because another person who happened to take the same drug for a while passed away!

I’m too damn tough! And I’m too selfish. SG and I were talking in bed last night and I told him part of the reason I can’t go yet is because I don’t want to have to say goodbye to him or the girls. I don’t know how to do that and I don’t want to have to figure it out.

So what if my scan shows new growth – which it most likely won’t. If it does I’ll deal just like I have before. When Gleevec stopped working my world was rocked. When Sutent and Sprycel didn’t work at all I wasn’t that surprised. I survived 2 major abdominal surgeries in under 8 months and still kept doing most of what I did before. Maybe a little slower for a bit but I did it.

This shit is cake! I’ve got it down.

I’m deleting the list serve emails for a while and I’m going for a walk in the fog.

And if all that fails, I’ve got a chickadee full of chocolate chip cookies!! You know I get in trouble when I go to the oncologist and I’ve lost weight. That would be a shame!!

ps – thanks G for the text last night!


2 thoughts on “Well now that I have that out of my system….

  1. I’m glad you’re doing better and fingers crossed for a clean scan. Such a banal comment, but the heart behind it is true.

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