Boy am I SAD

I’m finding it was so much easier to stop writing than it is to start again.

Somewhere along the line I’ve run out of things to say. Although those who know me in person know that silent will never be a word used to describe me.

My sister once said that I’m like a refrigerator – a constant background noise that you learn to tune out. So why then haven’t I been able to put any thoughts on paper/monitor (what the hell ever) ?

I look around me and there is so much going on but it’s busy work. Nothing of interest to anyone outside my head. The people I converse with in there have a lot to say. No, I don’t hear voices. Don’t have me committed. What I think I’m saying is that the one person interested in my life and what it going on, is me. But honestly, even I’m a little bored.

Did I tell you I’ve gained 10lbs since my last scan? It’s not pretty. I don’t know what happened. I googled reasons for rapid weight gain. I wanted to see if it’s related to the cancer at all but apparently cancer goes hand in hand with weight LOSS.

The only reason I could find was lack of exercise combined with too many calories. Who knew?

I think it was a long snowy February. I think I have SAD – for most people, that stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder – but for me I’m pretty sure it’s Sedentary Ass-growing Disease.

So much for my whole “I’m going to exercise my cancer away” bullshit. I never could stick to anything.

I’ve got it in my head though that I’m going to switch to a full marathon this year from my half of last year. That was something that I’d planned to do originally before the Gleevec stopped working and it’s something I need to do. Something to plan for. D1 is trying like hell to talk me into letting her do it with me. I guess we’ll see. It would be nice to have that time with her but it’s also been my time away. Honestly though, I’d like her there. She’s good company and I never know how much time we will have together.

Not to mention she’s only 3 years away from college. How the heck did that happen?

Anyway, with any luck my SAD will soon turn into Sunny Ass-shrinking Days and I’ll be able to get into pants that don’t have elastic again. I may even write about it.

How was your winter?