Chaos reigns

There are times when things slow down, when you start to take the quiet for granted again after maintaining the status quo for a while. That’s when, as when we found out my cancer is making a comeback, life tends to go off track again. When shit starts to hit the fan from every angle.

When I was first diagnosed 7 years ago, I started making contingency plans for everything. One of the big ones was to confirm with all my beautiful strong women friends that they would be here for SG and my girls should the worst happen. I have built this amazing community of friends who I know will look out for my family if and when I am not here to do it. That knowledge has given me so much peace in my darkest hours.

There’s only one problem. That means we have to still live here when I’m gone.

Two weeks ago SG found out the funding for his position at work is gone. Keeping him around puts the department in the red. After some rearranging of the budget, it looks like we may get one more year here but it’s just not good. He hasn’t slept in 2 weeks. I have gone from denial and anger to full on panic.

We may have to move. IF he can find another job. There are other plans they’re attempting to put in place to save him but I’m not holding out too much hope. It means we move and it means my contingency family support plan is shot to hell.

Now what?

When we moved here the girls were little. That’s the best time to make friends. Your children make friends and you meet the parents – because they’re tiny and you don’t trust just anyone to supervise playdates. Especially when it’s your precious firstborn entering kindergarten.  Every friend I have here, with the exception of some work colleagues and their wives, I met through my girls.

But now they’re older and you don’t bond with teenager parents the way you do when they’re little. I’m struggling with what to do when I meet new people, wherever we may end up. IF we move. I’ve got to hold out a tiny bit of hope right?

Do I join the PTA and open with:  “Hi, I’m Annie, I have cancer. Are any of you willing to maybe look out for my family when I die?”

Is that a little too forward?

Should I tone it down a little?

In the meantime, I’m thinking of crashing the meeting the dept. chair is going to have with the dean regarding SG’s job. Do you think, “if you fire him I die” is the wrong approach. Too much?

Afterall, my meds are $8,000/month. How the heck do we cover that if we lose insurance?

Obviously my plans are all works in progress. I’ll let you know what sort of brilliance I come up with.

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14 thoughts on “Chaos reigns

  1. Oh, you would and could be able to talk to me just like that, no “too much” about it.

    How I wish I could do something, but all i can do is send love with all my heart and think about all what I thought were big problems today (the memorial mass for my nephew on Sunday) are things I will manage.

    Sending love, and more love.

    xo

    • Oh sweetie! I’m so sorry about your nephew! I’ve been so caught up in my own little soap opera that I haven’t read any of the blogs I used to be good about following. Much love to you and your family. xoxox

  2. I am furious that you are having to think about this at all, but I have absolutely no doubt that wherever you are you and your beautiful family will find the support you need. I vote you move to Chicago!

    I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. It sucks beyond all suckitude.

  3. When people tell me that everything happens for a reason and will work out, I want to punch them in the neck, so I won’t say it. Just know that you are in my prayers and I mean that. I’m with sdlempke ~ Chicago! You already have 2 supporters.

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